As I Close My Eyes Read online

  As I Close My Eyes

  by

  Sarah DiCello

  ISBN 1478156074

  EAN 978-1478156079

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

  'As I Close My Eyes' is published by Taylor Street Publishing LLC, who can be contacted at:

  http://www.taylorstreetbooks.com

  http://ninwriters.ning.com

  'As I Close My Eyes' is the copyright of the author, Sarah DiCello, 2012. All rights are reserved.

  All characters are fictional, and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is accidental.

  “Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

  Shel Silverstein

  There is one thing I know without a doubt. When I close my eyes as Danielle Grayson, I open them as Caroline.

  When this journey began, I assumed it was because of the fall. That may have been the catalyst, but my life will forever exist somewhere between two eras.

  At the inception of the dreams, I’d only catch glimpses and snapshots of my surroundings. I’d wake up and have to piece together each scene to get a clear picture as to what was occurring around me. Now it’s as though I’m spending hours or even days away as Caroline. Looking down at her hands; talking with her inflection; and living in a world without technology. Oh, how I missed my iPod. I felt as though I was a part of an experiment to see how someone from today could survive in a time when Edison had just invented the phonograph.

  Robert and I spent our days taking long walks along the dirt roads, admiring the ocean views, and marveling at the rebuilding of the small town. I enjoyed my time with my Victorian family just as much as I did while awake in present-day Georgia.

  Even though the two worlds remained separate from one another for a few weeks, something changed. It was in the expressions and mannerisms of those around me in my waking life as Danielle. I’d seen these same distinctions in the people I dreamt about. Not in everyone. Just in those closest to me both asleep and awake. It was suddenly clear that these weren’t conscious dreams or people I had made up as silly characters in the drama of my mind. This altered every aspect of my existence as Danielle.

  There was a time when a normal day meant studying for an exam, eating lunch under my favorite tree on campus, or spending time with my friends. Now my days here are spent in and out of reality, twisting everything I thought I knew into a giant, complex ball of questions. The accident opened up a door in my mind, letting in a flurry of dreams and visions, taking over every thought I had both asleep and awake.

  Maybe I’m chasing ghosts.

  Chapter 1

  It should have been the perfect way to start the summer. Relaxing on the water with nothing to do but reminisce about the past year of college that had been full of late-nighters and Ramen noodle dinners. Soon, everything would be different.

  Shannon, Eric, Brad, and I began our day the same way we always did when presented with a few hours of freedom - on Brad’s boat, in the middle of Lake Lanier.

  We had been friends since Sugar Hill Elementary School and each had our roles in this small circle of friendship. Shannon held the title of the pretty one whose parents never expected to amount to much more than a beautiful face; Eric drew people in with his peculiar magnetism and subtle display of wealth, provided graciously by his grandparents; Brad exuded arrogance, flirting with every girl but Shannon, who he had been in a relationship with since the third grade; and then there was me. The girl no one noticed.

  When we weren’t in school at Gainesville State College in Georgia, we spent our time on the lake. Throughout high school, our trips on the boat developed into an almost daily event. The lake was only a half hour drive from Sugar Hill, Georgia, where I lived all of my life. Over the years, it had become a popular destination for vacationers from Atlanta to get away from the big city. The water washed away all of the stress from our daily lives.

  Mountains of green surrounded Lake Lanier with gorgeous, colonial-style homes gracing its shores. Many families in Sugar Hill had cabins or larger homes here, while other visitors only came for the summer season.

  The docks of the homes lining the river looked best at night with Tiki torches outlining the edges of the grass as it faded into sand. Glass balls glowing with candles inside extended down from the branches of trees along the shorelines of many properties.

  A few boats around us sat, anchored to the lakebed below. The bulk of the tourists hadn’t arrived yet for the summer season, so the lake stayed calm with only the occasional boat floating by. After hours on the water, we should have been packing up to head back to shore, but Shannon and Eric wanted to test out the new water skis Brad had received for his birthday.

  Brad’s mama and daddy owned the local boat shop, so you’d think his daddy would buy a fancier new one to replace the old, beat-up, floating can he called a boat. With fewer vacationers coming to the lake in the past two years due to the market crash, Brad’s family’s business had taken a severe hit and their dreams of expanding were put on hold indefinitely.

  “Who wants to try out the water skies first?” asked Brad from the captain’s seat up front.

  Eric volunteered, Polo shorts clinging to his rear end for dear life as he emerged from the middle of the wake. He executed perfect form and stood straight up for a whole ten minutes before his arrogance took over. Gliding over small waves, he attempted a low twist in the air but plummeted into the cool water half way through his turn. His confidence reminded me of a time in eighth grade when Eric tried to do a flip off one of the high brick walls surrounding our school and practically broke his neck.

  “Come on, you didn’t even try,” yelled Brad, slightly slurring his words from all of the alcohol he had in his system. The rules of the road didn’t seem to matter while on the boat. If Brad had been given a breathalyzer that afternoon, he’d have been way over the limit, but no one bothered us out here.

  “Shut up,” Eric hollered, although it sounded more like “Shupth upth” with the amount of water that bubbled out of his mouth.

  I suggested that Shannon go next so she could be the first girl in the water instead of me.

  “Y’all are crazy if you think I’m doing that wearing a bikini.” She promptly returned to reading Glamour and sipping a very large margarita. Her response was typical. If Shannon’s plan for the day was in any way interrupted, she’d immerse herself in a beauty magazine and ignore the world around her. It drove me crazy.

  “It’s nothin’ we haven’t seen before, Shan,” stated Brad as he blew her a sarcastic kiss. Shannon didn’t even look up from the horoscope page to acknowledge Brad’s comment.

  “Fine, I’ll go,” I hesitantly said.

  I waited for Eric to climb up the white ladder onto the boat and then it was my turn to descend.

  It’s not like I hadn’t been on water skis before. It had just been a while and I was sure it would be like riding a bike. Besides, bikinis weren’t my thing so I didn’t have to worry about showing all of Lake Lanier my goods. I felt comfortable sporting boy shorts and a shrunken t-shirt for the afternoon.

  I climbed down the ladder into the water with my brown, wavy hair loosely tied up in a mess of a bun and slid into lake below. A little voice inside my head told me that I should just go back to sipping my water instead of swimming in it, but I ignored that thought and hopped on the skis like a pro. The boat slowly pulled me
up onto the surface and I was glad I made it that far. Dragging behind the boat, I could see Shannon sitting on Brad’s lap. I guess she had forgiven Brad for his earlier comment. Eric was drinking another Corona as he swerved on the lake, trying to get me to fall.

  As I maneuvered the skis with surprising ease, my anxiety slipped into the wake. What a perfect ending to a perfect day, I thought as I glided on the surface. But as I hopped over a small, unexpected wave, I began to lose my balance. I tried to stay on my feet, but I just couldn't get my skis parallel again. I knew I was going to slam into the surface and there wasn’t anything I could do to gain control. Suddenly, everything went dark.

  * * *

  “Caroline. Caroline, wake up.”

  What? Who’s saying that? Where am I? Flames blazing in the distance overwhelmed me with heat.

  “We have to get out of here,” said an older woman with a look of pure terror on her face. She reached for my hand to pull me up, but I didn’t have the strength and could only meet her halfway.

  This wasn’t Lake Lanier. In fact, it looked nothing like Georgia with the small houses and dirt roads I could only see from a distance. The images around me were very fuzzy and misconstrued. I couldn’t tell what was going on in the background, but it was causing hysteria and panic in the eyes of everyone around me. Just ahead of us, I could see a mother holding her child, crying. I wondered if she had lost someone. There was a faint orange glow in the distance but I couldn’t tell if it was a sunset or a fire.

  “We have to go now . . ..”

  * * *

  “Danielle. Danielle, are you okay?” This voice I recognized. This was definitely someone I knew. Three distorted faces stared at me closely but everything was blurry, like a carnival fun-house mirror. Their foreheads were stretched and their noses blended into their skin. Giant balls of color took the place of where their eyes should have been. Bright sunlight splintered off the water and I squinted as I struggled to see my friends before me.

  “Do you think she’s okay?” asked Brad.

  “I really can’t tell.” Shannon had a very worried look on her face.

  I looked up at Shannon from the floor of the boat, but I couldn’t get any words out. She talked to me as if I would respond. I was sure my lips moved, but no words escaped me. I tried to move my head, but a pain seared my neck, shooting down my spine. Something in my mind told me not to move or I would cause further damage to myself. I wondered how seriously I was injured. Instinctively, I wiggled each finger on my hands to make sure I could move.

  “What happened out there, Dani? One minute you were up, gliding on the skis, and then you just vanished into the water. Danielle, can you hear me?” Shannon asked.

  “This is all my fault. Oh my God, it’s all my fault,” said Eric in a panic. He always took the blame, even when he hadn’t done anything to cause a problem. “I shouldn’t have been swerving around like that. Now Dani’s hurt and it’s all because of me.” Eric got down on his knees and put his hands together in a prayer-like gesture. He rocked back and forth as he whispered to anyone above who could hear him, begging them to help me and forgive him.

  “Oh, this isn’t good,” whispered Shannon, trying in vain to get me up from the bottom of the boat as she lifted my arms upwards and tugged.

  I lay there in the boat wondering what I had just experienced. Was I dreaming? Why did the old woman call me Caroline? Was that even me? I couldn’t make out what any of my friends were talking about because I was concentrating so hard on remembering the place I had visited while unconscious. Maybe that’s what it’s like when you almost die, I thought. I’ll just go home and lie down for a while. Tomorrow will be better.

  Chapter 2

  Brad raced the boat to shore while I shivered on the beer-soaked floor, wrapped in Shannon’s pink and white striped towel. My friends talked about taking me to a hospital but I still couldn’t get the words out that I was okay. I began to wonder how much time had elapsed between my fall and my observant friends’ realization that I had disappeared into the lake.

  “Her lips are turnin’ blue,” said Eric.

  “She’ll be okay,” replied Shannon. “It’s just because she’s in a bit of shock. Just give her some space, for Christ’s sake.”

  “I’m - ” I tried to tell them that I was fine, but only the beginning came out.

  I noticed blood on the towel around my face and assumed it was mine. Oh, yup - it was definitely mine. The searing pain from my nose quickly engulfed my whole head. What did I hit? A rock?

  “Damn, there’s a lot of blood.” Brad scrunched up his face and cupped his hands over his mouth. His cheeks puffed out as if he was about to puke.

  Eric carefully placed me in his new red BMW, protecting my head as he moved my limp body into the backseat. I stared at the tan ceiling and caught faint wafts of the new car scent from what little sense of smell I had left in my rapidly swelling nose. Eric sped off, not even waiting for Shannon or Brad, who followed in a car behind us. Speeding on a dirt road with my head bouncing against the tan leather seats in the back probably wasn’t the best in my current state.

  We pulled into the hospital minutes later. With uncharacteristic chivalry, Eric gently unfolded me from the car and carried me into the emergency room. His strength surprised me and I found myself wondering why we’d never gone out. Oh, right, there’s absolutely zero interest on either end in that department.

  “Hey! We need a doctor right now,” yelled Eric. “Anyone hear me? I need someone to tell me she’s okay.” Eric whispered the last part to himself as he stared up at the ceiling, speaking to an omnipresent being in the sky.

  “Bring her in here,” said a nurse while she pulled back the light blue curtain and revealed a flat, stiff hospital bed.

  The amount of blood that poured from my face put us in the number one spot to be seen in front of several other people in the waiting room who had obviously been there for hours.

  “Lay her down on the gurney and I’ll get a doctor,” the nurse said.

  “Dani, can you hear me?” asked Eric.

  “Huh?” was all I could muster. I knew I wasn’t making any sense, and I really wanted to tell Eric about my dream. For some reason, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It seemed so real.

  A decrepit-looking doctor came into the room, hunched over and walking with a limp. “Ooooohhhh,” was the first thing to come out of his mouth. “Let’s get an x-ray of that nose.” The nurse standing next to him nodded her head in agreement.

  The doctor tried to make my eyes follow a small light, but I could tell by the look on his face I wasn’t doing what he had hoped.

  As they wheeled me out of the room and down the sterile hall, I heard Shannon and Brad ask the nurse at the front desk where I was.

  Fluorescent lights overhead didn’t help my massive headache at all, especially since they passed by me faster than I could count them. The wheels clicked on the tile as we moved across each section of the floor. The orderly pushing the bed had a small scar on the underside of his chin and I briefly wondered how he got it. Try to stay focused, I kept saying to myself. Even though my vision was unclear, my other senses were heightened. The medicine smell of the hospital turned my stomach and I felt bile rise in my throat. I could hear whispers in rooms we passed of people praying over their loved ones.

  In the back of my mind, the old woman still called to me ... “Caroline, Caroline.” Each time I dozed off, I returned to the boat and the fire. I heard screams of children in the distance and saw townspeople running in all directions desperate to flee the area. I tried to keep my eyes open so I could stop the dreams, but I quickly relented. The older woman was yelling something about a man named Robert, but I didn’t stay asleep long enough to figure out who he was.

  The doctor and two nurses lifted me off the stretcher and placed me onto another hard bed where the x-ray began. It wasn’t long before the test was over and I soon found myself in a recovery room lined with several other patients.
r />   The doctor approached in the distance with the x-ray image in his hands. “Well, you definitely hit that water hard, missy. You didn’t break your nose, but you absolutely did some damage from the force of the impact. Unfortunately, you have a concussion, so you’ll need to take it easy for a while.” The elderly doctor continued. “No activities for twenty-four hours and I’ll give you something for the pain. Lie here for a bit and I’ll get your discharge papers.”

  Perfect. My first day of summer vacation and I end up in the hospital with dried blood face paint.

  My three very loud friends pulled me out of the dream-state and woke me up with Chinese food from my favorite restaurant in Sugar Hill. The smell made me nauseous.

  “Oh, sweetie. Your nose looks awful,” said Shannon. “Don’t worry. We’ll find you the best plastic surgeon in the South to fix it.”

  “I don’t need a plastic surgeon, Shannon. I need some quiet voices.” I held my head in anticipation of someone else talking and hurting my brain. Everyone’s voices sounded as though they were holding cups over their mouths, which only made it harder to focus on the conversation because I had to acutely concentrate on every word each person was saying.

  “At least you made it longer than Eric,” said Brad.

  “Thanks so much for your words of support, Brad,” I replied. I was just glad I could communicate again.

  “Dani, I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention. It’s all my fault.” Eric’s voice trembled and his face flushed with guilt.

  “It’s okay. It was an accident. I knew I should have just stayed on the boat instead of playing daredevil on water skis. I’m not exactly the most coordinated person.”

  I stared at the egg rolls I normally would have inhaled, but had to cover them with the Chinese food bag because the sight of them made me want to puke.